Host: Janice Vee (JV)

Guests: Dr Linda Papadopoulos (LP)

JV: Hi every one, I'm Janice Vee and welcome to today's Web Chat. Now, we work long hours and we have some disposable income, but apparently we're becoming a bit demanding when it comes to our lifestyles, particularly our tastes, so Pringles Light Aromas have conducted a survey to find out just how picky we really are. Are we really becoming a nation of demanding divas? With me in the studio, I have renowned psychologist, Dr. Linda Papadopoulos, who's here to discuss the results of that survey and also to tell us why we've become so demanding in our lives. We have so much going on in our lives, so why is it that we have a craving for more and more things to suit our lifestyles?

LP: I guess firstly it's because more and more is now accessible, we have much more disposable income, we have much more availability of products. I remember years ago when I lived in Canada they didn't know what hummus was and now it seems to be the staple of everyone's diet. What we don't have much of though, is time, and this adds to the sense of urgency we have about getting what we want, when we want it, and getting it yesterday if possible.

JV: Zoë's just sent in a question, she says, "Why do you think we've become so much more demanding?" Are you talking about women Zoë? Because the survey showed that women are much more demanding.

LP: Surprise, surprise! I think women are much more demanding because I think they have much more varied roles, and we still do multi-task more even though there's been a huge rise in the terms of labour equality. Nevertheless, you will never hear a man asking how to combine family and work, whereas it's something that every working mother struggles with, including myself. For example, I need to know for sure that what I'm feeding my daughter is the healthiest possible thing, but I need to make it quickly because I'd rather be playing with her than making it, and I need to be able to access it quickly. All of these things mean that I'm going to be much more demanding than someone who doesn't have all those tasks to engage in.

JV: That's quite interesting following on from what you were just saying, Mandy says, "Do you have a child? How do you manage your work and home balance?"

LP: I do, she's three. It really comes down to time management and trying to be organised. I'm a very disorganised person normally, but since my little daughter came into my life I try really hard to compartmentalise, so that when I am with my daughter in the park, I am with my daughter in the park and I switch off my phone and I will focus on her. Likewise, if I have to write an article or see a patient I will have that one or two hour section worked out and I will make sure that that is what I am focusing on. That really helps a lot, it does mean you crash into bed at 11pm thinking 'What the hell just happened?' but it does mean you get to enjoy the whole day.

JV: When Pringles Light Aromas did the survey they found out that there are different types of tasters: non-tasters, normal tasters and super tasters.

LP: This is really interesting because there's actually something physiologically different between a non-taster and a super taster. Super tasters actually have a better sense of smell and more taste buds, and as a consequence of that they can taste much more. The interesting thing was that over 80% of super tasters are women, which means that at some point in evolution our ability to taste was very important. This is probably because women have always been in charge of the nutrition of the children so it was very important that you knew if that berry was poisonous.

JV: I thought super tasters might have meant that the taste buds on your tongue, had more to do with that than gender.

LP: It does have to do with that, but women have more receptors so it tends to be women more than men.

JV: Well Caroline wants to know, "Do you think that women have superior taste in other things than men, like clothes?"

LP: Oh yes, I so do! The difference there is that women have been socialised into believing that their value is very much how they look. Much more so than men have, at least until very recently, and so as a consequence we see women having more body image disorders, being more concerned with how they look and having more eating disorders. As a consequence I think, more of an obsession with shoes and clothes. It's something we've created.

JV: Men are become more conscious of the way they are looking; you see in high street stores more fashion for men, more products for their face.

LP: In a way I feel sorry for them because more and more are struggling with this. On a positive note, more and more women are realising that they can have their cake and eat it too. Just looking at the main sellers are, like Pringles Light Aroma where you can have something that tastes good and is healthier good for you, and Stella McCartney clothes from Hennes, how wonderful is that? Designer clothes at high street prices, or iPods; this tiny thing that holds your whole CD collection.

JV: And shopping online!

LP: Yes! All these things. In a way we are actually spoilt to what we can actually get, even compared to five years ago.

JV: Gemma has sent in a question. She says she seems to work all hours God sends and never seems to have any 'me time'. What should she do?

LP: I think that you have to make 'me time'. It's all well and good to make everyone else's needs fulfilled and to be the best employee or the best partner but you need to take care of yourself. I say this to a lot of my clients as well, you need to actually book in time with yourself in the diary. I would put in at least two hours a week where it's your time. It might mean that you sit down and stuff your face with chocolate and read magazines, or get a pedicure or meet up with an old friend. Unless you make a conscious decision of doing it, it simply won't happen.

JV: You could be saying forever, I don't have time, but that's because you're not making time for yourself.

LP: Exactly

JV: Now, I'm interested in this survey because it says that over half of the people surveyed think that better for you food tastes worse than the full fat version. It's a myth isn't it? We think of sprouts and broccoli and things we were force-fed.

LP: It is a myth, but I think that the reason we don't like them is because we were force-fed them. One of the things I do with my daughter is tell her I'm going to give her a treat, and sometimes it's chocolate but sometimes it's red pepper cut into strips. I've tried to de-emotionalise food and the idea that you're being naughty or good is really problematic. There's no such thing as an evil food, there are evil diets that make you feel that you're a horrible person if you eat something that isn't green, but it's all about balance and you can get that. It's great that products like Pringles are responding to this. More importantly, you need to take control and think a piece of chocolate cake is not going to kill you. If you have to much it could obviously, but if you ban it from your diet completely, the actual opposite will happen and you will end up stressing from it so much and it will become the core of your existence and you will obsess about it so much that you might as well have had it to begin with.

JV: So we need to recondition ourselves to not be scared of food that's good for us and teach our children about fresh fruit and vegetables.

LP: Absolutely. Our children live in a society where they will see chocolate and ice-cream around them and to vilify foods is wrong. It's all about moderation.

JV: Eve says, "How much demand is there for products that our better for you nowadays?"

LP: There's much more demand. The interesting thing is that the question isn't just I want something that's better for me, it's I want something that is better for me and doesn't taste like cardboard. Which is really important! The good thing is that because there is so much competition out there, manufacturers are working really hard to ensure that.

JV: Another point about this survey is that 80% of people have shopped online to get as better deal. Over half have changed utility suppliers to save money. So we want to make sure that we are using our money wisely, and that it's going to best products and that we're getting the best value.

LP: Absolutely, we're more savvy and programmes like Watchdog and property and DIY shows if nothing else teach us not to go in blindly, how to compare prices. There's a great websites out there to compare and contrast. All of a sudden we've become more savvy, so when we go into a store and they say the sale is over we don't feel embarrassed to say that was two weeks ago and can we have the product at sale price.

JV: Yes, or if something is scuffed we'll ask for money off. Chloe's question is, "Haven't we always wanted the best, but now we're actually demanding it?"

LP: I think you've hit the nail on the head. We've always aspired to get things better, but I don't think we've felt this sense of entitlement that we do now. Part of this is probably this celebrity culture that's come in. Whether you like it or not celebrities are in our faces 24/7 and it's exhausting, but one oft eh things we do is see them as icons as behaviour. So when we hear that someone has demanded vanilla scented candles and puppy dogs before a performance then we thing that we can surely demand that our steak is cooked well and if it's not then send it back.

JV: Also I think that lots of us are looking at lifestyles across the pond, in America, where everyone wants a skinny soya latte with cinnamon and no chocolate, it is that kind of demanding attitude that's being brought over to the UK.

LP: I must say that I was in LA recently and I missed the nonchalant British waiters so much, because in America they stare at you funny, they're like, you don't want something on the side?

JV: Usually they ask if it's dairy-free! Has that chicken got dairy in it? Asking questions like that! Kay has sent in a question, "Did the survey reveal which areas we're likely to be most picky about?"

LP: Food is top of the agenda. What's in it and what does it taste like. I think before better for you was never seen as tasting as good and now people are saying that better for you can taste as good as the original.

JV: Well talking about tasting, shall we have a go at tasting some of these? I can here my moderator in the studio; he is crunching away on the Pringles making me feel hungry. So shall we try the Spicy Thai with a touch of Coconut Oil?

LP: Yes!

JV: You go first. Another question, are men more likely to settle for what they know?

LP: I think most of us, at least in the short term, settle for what we know. As we live in a society that is so saturated with information that what you know will become expanded whether you like it or not. I'm in the process now of moving house, and I know more about TVs that I rally want to know! You type it into the computer and reams of information comes up. You turn up the TV and there's information, it's absolutely everywhere. It's very different to 50 years ago when sources of information where much less complex and much less informative.

JV: By the way these are really good! It's got a real kick to it, hasn't it? Not as hot as I'm used to, but definitely a kick there. Basically we wanted to chat about flavours and the tastes that women demand. They demand lower fat, tasty yet good for you.

LP: Absolutely. Whether it's crisps or clothes, they demand taste. You do taste this and I really think these taste good don't they, they don't taste different to full fat.

JV: Yes, and they are 33% less fat. Penny wants to know, "Why are we less prepared to settle for second best?"

LP: I think because we live very much in a society that has romanticised everything. There's a god side to not settling for second best but there's also a downside. The good side is about aspiring to what it is that you want. The negative side is that too many times we aspire to things that we think we ought to have, rather that what it is that we want, and we don't think through what it is that we need. I think women are especially susceptible to this idea of having it all, having to be beautiful and run huge companies and raise eight kids and cook Michelin starred meals. The reality is that nobody can be happy doing so much of everything and you have to decide what you want.

JV: I also think that having kids is what makes you more demanding for getting the right products, getting the right shoes so they don't wear out in three months, getting the food that your children need, which is why lots of labelling has come in to the supermarkets right now so we can see how much salt or fat is in a product.

LP: Absolutely. As a parent you feel you need to protect your child from everything. I want to protect my child from this negative obsession with food. I really don't want her to think that any food has that much power over her. A bar of chocolate is juts a bar of chocolate and she will live in a world where there is broccoli and fats with more fat or sugar and I want her to be able to take responsibility to enjoy things in moderation.

JV: So what were these Greek style cheese Pringles like?

LP: Really good.

JV: Kim's sent in a question, "Do you think this sudden demand has been in any way influenced by celebrities and have women started wanting to live lifestyles that are close to Paris Hilton or Britney Spears as possible?"

LP: You're absolutely right Kim. It really has permeated our culture, this need to use celebrities as a yardstick, as a measure for what we should do and I think that that is quite dangerous. I think it's dangerous when we all want to be famous just for the sake of being famous. We've seen this trend with children in particular. When I was growing up you'd ask children what they wanted to be and it would be firemen or a teacher or a nurse, all these noble professions and now they say famous. That's a testament to the vast majority of the media that just focuses on this. As a parent I would welcome a wider array of role models for children to have.

JV: Now they are bringing up others though, like the runner Kelly Holmes and Ellen MacArthur.

LP: But you can name them on one had, and how many Britneys and Hiltons are there? And they roll of the tongue, but how many women politicians are there? And they are either ridiculed or they are not heard. For women that are in power, medics or lawyers or inspirational scientists.

JV: We have all these magazines and we can look into their homes and see what they are buying and what they have, so that's probably why people aspire to be like that.

LP: You're absolutely right. The whole Hello magazine culture. I was reading something very interesting, when Marilyn Monroe died it got eight lines in a newspaper, now one celebrity trips and it's on the front page! We're talking even celebrities that were made a couple of months ago on a reality show. The difference in our focus is really interesting. I wonder if it's because we are so anxious about what's going on in our world right now that's we'd rather focus or something like what their dog's name is that something serious.

JV: Interesting. Going back to small children, Natalie has a small child that goes to school and says, "There never seem to be enough hours in the day, would it be worth me getting a nanny or an assistant just to help out?"

LP: Yes, it would be a great idea. If nothing lese it would free those hours for you to play with your little girl and having some time for you. A huge amount of guilt comes with being a mom. Not cooking the right meals, not spending enough time choosing the right schools, everything comes into it. Anyone who is going to support you in getting more time is hugely important.

JV: Or get family members to help.

LP: Yes, because nannies are expensive so get your husband and family on board.

JV: Do you think you can use your position in the media to encourage more women to get involved in more prominent positions in society?

LP: I sincerely hope so. From a selfish point of view I feel we need to do this for our children. I look at my little girl and I don't want her to think that the only way she can have a prominent position is to be a size 8 with blonde hair. I'd like her to have a more rounded view of herself and of women in society. Most women that I know in the media want to do this. It's a process that will take a long time, but it's a process I'm behind 100%.

JV: We see celebrities with positions and the money that goes with it, especially children and teenagers, they want to be the next it girl carrying around the small dog.

LP: The adoration of others ahs been the only thing we can respond to, and I think that's to the detriment of understanding the adoration of people that are close to you. They are so much more important. Someone that knows you will derive what they want as important, so that's what we need to be teaching our kids.

JV: Especially someone like you who goes on high profile shows. They see you're a woman and a psychologist and that still you are in the spotlight, so maybe that's a good way of making sure that people aren't just wanting to be celebrities.

LP: Sure. Whatever position women hold, we all need to do it, whether they are teachers or moms we are influencing society. We will make a difference.

JV: Well Julie says, "Can being this demanding be that good for us? How can you maintain the balance between wanting the best and being just plain obnoxious?"

LP: I think there's a fine line between being aggressive and assertive. There's also a fine line between being demanding and being obnoxious. There's nothing wrong with wanting things, but there's something wrong with not examining why we want them. When you wake in the morning and decide that you desperately want a handbag that costs as much as a month's rent, you may have got that from Sex And The City, you may have just fallen in love with the handbag, but examine your reasons behind it. I'd be the last one to say that we shouldn't do that, I love clothes and I love shopping as well, but what I would say is that too many times a lot of this demanding nature comes from us feeling we have to act that way to prove a point, our position in society. The fact that we need to be taken seriously, when in actual fact we need that respect not through buying something that's out of our range or that we don't want, but because of who we are.

JV: Sometimes when we're feeling a bit low we'll go for retail therapy and buy a pair of shoes or handbag that makes us feel better. It makes us feel good to buy something new.

LP: Yes, but remember that's more of a plaster fix it than a core thing. Sparkly lip-gloss always makes me feel great, but it doesn't get to the core of what is going on.

JV: No Dana says, "Do you think that reality shows like the Newlyweds and Cribs show what celebrities are really like in their private lives?"

LP: Wasn't it Jessica Simpson that thought fish were chickens that lived in the sea? Let's please not be emulating that!

JV: People quite liked her for that and she played up on that dumb blonde thing.

LP: Absolutely. I think that dumb blondes in society are actually a lot smarter than people give them credit for.

JV: Do you think we a re really emulating celebs?

LP: I really do. If it's something that catches your eye and you've got similar tastes then great, but to aspire to be like someone else merely because they have things that you want is a worrying trend. It may be that they got to that position because of nothing more than luck; so then your trying to be them might not take you to where you want to be.

JV: So just be yourself. One more question, Jo wants to know, "Are there any golden rules to getting the most out of my day time wise?"

LP: The first thing I would say is plan ahead. If you have things to do over the week, take 15 minutes to plan what has to be done. Make sure there is lots of time to relax, the worst thing you can do is forget to play a little bit. Finally let yourself off the hook. The whole point of having an in-tray is to have stuff in it, otherwise who needs an in-tray?

JV: So pace yourself. And delegate I find works! Get your husband or kids to help.

LP: Yes, Timmy, you can be mommy today!

JV: Exactly! Thank you so much for joining us today. We're not all that demanding then really. Thank you so much for your questions, it's been a great Web Chat.