It appears that traditional quality time is evolving into ‘techtime’ as more and more parents are getting to grips with technology, like social networking and gaming, in a bid not to miss out on spending quality time with their children.

So are you one of the growing numbers of parents who want to spend more time with their kids? Well experts are now encouraging mums and dads to embrace technology as a form of quality time in order to avoid it becoming a barrier to family interaction. So it seems that when it comes to kids and technology, don’t feel you need to beat it, just join it’!

This advice comes in response to the revelation in a report commissioned by Energizer that shows many mums worry that new technology has altered the amount of quality time they spend with their children. Specifically, they claim that their kids use of things like computer games and social networking can prevent the family from bonding.

Experts have suggested that parents respond to this growing sense of disconnection by changing their attitude to technology used by their children, just as they embraced TV and now, as revealed by the report, view it as a way of sharing quality time and positive moments. But would you be ready to take the lead in learning to use your children’s technology, such as computer games or Facebook?

Dr Pat Spungin joins us live online to discuss her view that parents have to embrace ‘techtime’ as a means of bringing the family closer together.

For more information visit www.positivemoments.co.uk (live on Wednesday 2nd March)  

H: Lis Speight, host
A: Dr Pat Spungin

H: Modern technology is having a huge impact on the way in which families interact with each other, and according to new research commissioned by Energiser, many mums are very concerned about the effect this is having on quality family time

Titles

H: Hello and welcome to Parent Talk, I’m Lis Speight. Long gone are the days when we would sit around the family dining table playing board games. The rise in usage of social media, televisions and computer games consoles throughout the house is undoubtedly having an effect on quality family time. Well on today’s show we look at how it is possible to embrace new technologies to ensure that you can have blossoming relationships within your household. I’m delighted to be joined by child psychologist Dr Pat Spungin

A: Hello

H: Welcome along,

A: Thank you

H: Really nice to see you today, thanks for coming in. Coming up on the show today – the changing face of quality time, using technology to enhance family bonds and all your questions will be answered here live. Now don’t forget this is a live show so if you have any questions or comments for Pat, please use the box on your screen and click send, and if you’re Tweeting whilst watching the show which is very appropriate I must say, please use the hash tag Studio Talk TV. Now Pat let’s talk a little bit first about how quality time with the family has changed over the years, because we don’t all sit around the piano singing carols at weekends do we – it’s all a bit different from that now isn’t it?

A: Not in my house we don’t, that’s for sure! Yes it’s completely different, and I think we’re here to talk about an Energiser report called Positive Moments, and that’s looking at a survey that found that over 80% of parents think that technology is impacting on quality time within the family. And at the same time parents are saying that they would like to have more quality time, so here we’ve got a dilemma – more technology, less quality time and yet mums wanting more quality time

H: And how damaging is it to be losing this quality family time? Should we be embracing the technology and using that instead?

A: Well I think that’s precisely it, that quality time is nothing special, you know you don’t have to go out on a special day out, quality time is just interacting, having fun, behaving in such a way that when it’s all over you think to yourself, oh that was really fun, I really enjoyed that. And that’s with other people in your family, not I really enjoyed playing my games console all by myself in my room. And I think mums who are concerned should look to see – my family time is being eroded, what can I do about it?

H: So it’s not about having technology and all using it in different rooms

A: No

H: Because I think a lot of families are very guilty of that aren’t they?

A: Oh yes and 51% of mums said that technology isolates kids within the family

H: Right

A: I think that’s quite a concerning thing. But it doesn’t have to be so because an awful lot of new technology, I mean the video games market, there’s a huge drive to produce family games, family entertainment

H: Yes

A: And I think mums know that those old board games that they used to play, kids don’t want to play them anymore, but if they’re transformed into computer games then they’re more interesting, they’re more exciting and everybody can get involved

H: But even the old board games now, some of the old favourites, even they’ve been sort of –

A: They are

H: Technologicalised

A: Exactly that and not to mention Facebook which for many parents is a kind of ooh can’t go there, that’s only for the kids, even Facebook has got a lot of apps that people can share, so there’s an app called Farmville that’s hugely popular with youngsters, and parents can get involved. They can either have their own farm and talk to their kids about it, or they can work cooperatively with two farms side by side – mum’s farm and child’s farm. So there’s lots of options and I just think it’s often a matter of lack of knowledge and lack of information

H: Yes and parents being a little bit scared

A: Yes

H: For the kids of course they are just growing up with it, it’s in their schools, it’s in their homes

A: Yes

H: It’s just normal to them whereas we’re still struggling to come to terms with them a lot of us aren’t we?

A: Yes. I think younger mums are finding it easier, so in the survey more younger mums said that we have fun together playing computer games and we think of that as quality time. It’s older mums -

H: Oh that’s interesting actually isn’t it?

A: It is it’s older parents, often parents with teenagers and the teenagers are kind of locking themselves away or they’re deep in conversation with their mates, and mum’s thinking hang on a minute, we used to sit down and talk and now there doesn’t seem to be any time

H: Yes

A: Because my kid’s either playing a game or talking to all of their mates

H: Yes. So how do you crack into that then? I mean teenagers are notoriously – they’re not very good at sharing emotions and sharing – they like to tell their friends and not you. How do you crack into their sort of little technology world and get involved in it?

A: I think yes I think there are two things. I think first of all if you’re a mum and if you’re concerned that your quality time as a family is being eroded by technology then there are some things you have to do to limit it. So I for example would say no telephones at the table

H: Right, yes

A: No television while we’re eating together and I would make it clear this is family time. This is face-to-face talk time, catching up on your week time and it’s not for you to be clicking away talking to your mates

H: Yes

A: I would say for example if we were going on a long journey that at least some of that time take out your – take off your Ipod, take out your earphones and let’s just talk or sing like we used to

H: Yes

A: So that’s the kind of – limit it. And some people have a technology-free day or half a day, like at the weekend

H: Yes

A: Let’s not have that, let’s do things as a family together. And I think all of those things are really important because believe me, I’ve got grown-up children, quality time has no shelf life

H: No

A: If you don’t use it when you can it’s gone, and you’ll only look back and say oh if only I’d done something about that, created more time for s

H: So it’s just mixing and matching really

A: Yes

H: We’re not sort of saying let’s turn off all the technology, but just have a bit of mix and match. You can still play Scrabble and be on the Wii can’t you?

A: Yes well Wii is a perfect example, if you look at the advertising for the Wii, it’s all family-based. It’s all about people from 6 to 60 together doing something that’s making them all laugh and you think oh that looks good fun, I’d like to do that with my family

H: Yes. But not everybody, I mean my dad is a little bit notorious for being a bit frightened of the computer because he’s never really had to deal with it, but my mum’s really embraced it. So how do you kind of get people that are a little bit nervous about it? What tips have you got for them?

A: Well I think you’re – I think that if you’re a parent for example and you’re thinking all this technology in my house and I have no control over it. First thing is to know that there are family entertainment games there, and then maybe say to your kid look I’m paying for this

H: Yes

A: And I’d like to pay for something that brings us together as a family rather than something that you can be locked away with, and out of the family, so your child will know because they will have seen at other people’s houses or heard their mates talk about games which are family games. So first of all maybe consult your child

H: Get them to teach you how to do it

A: Get them to teach you how to do it, if you see that they’re doing something on a social networking site like Farmville or Cityville, there are all kinds of apps that you can lock into, say oh that looks interesting, what’s that about? And then they’ll say “oh mum” – they won’t want to take time away, but be persistent and say well you know I’d like to get involved, I’d like us to do something together. So solicit your child to take some responsibility for it

H: Yes

A: There are other areas where parents do easily get involved and that’s things like using your computer for homework, or for projects and things like that

H: Yes, yes. It’s an incredibly useful tool, however did we manage without it?

A: I don’t know

H: How did we live our lives – how did I do my homework without the computer, I don’t know

A: There is of course information overload isn’t there?

H: Yes, true

A: Sometimes what you have to teach your child is filtering what they find

H: Right, that’s an interesting point

A: That’s also a skill to learn

H: Yes ok. But there are courses of course aren’t there for parents who kind of really want to get into the whole computer thing?

A: My local library’s got ongoing courses in all kinds of programs that you can just go in, it doesn’t cost you anything and you can learn

H: And it’s not as difficult as you think. If the kids can do it then surely we can do it!

A: Yes surely we can

H: Well as we said technology can be quite isolating can’t it, and so if your child’s spending a lot of time in their room on their own, you know how would you kind of get into that really? How do you stop them doing that?

A: Well I for example am very much opposed to televisions in children’s bedrooms. One of the things that came out in the survey is that television itself is the opportunity for quality time, and I remember myself how on Friday night we would all eat together as a family then we would all decamp to have tea and cake and watch the funnies.

H: Yes, yes

A: And that was a nice time of the week when we were all guaranteed to be together having a good time. Parents can talk about issues they see on soaps, we’ve mentioned the Wii, X Factor – who do you want to win, let’s vote for this person. So there’s a huge amount of kind of sharing that goes on around television and I think what we’re saying is you know what, there are other technologies that can be shared

H: As well

A: And made family-friendly in the same way

H: And of course new technology can actually help you get more quality time with your kids, so if you do your shopping online for example

A: Quite right

H: You don’t have to use your Saturday morning to go to the shops

A: That’s right

H: So it can be a benefit can’t it to a lot of parents?

A: Yes and I think it’s important to say that we’re not saying that this is now the new focus of family life, you know kids have still got to get outside and they’ve still got to meet with their mates and they’ve still got to do things, you know with the family away from the home and in the home that are not technology-based. But what we’re saying is don’t be afraid of something because you know what, the genie’s out of the bottle, you’re not going to be able to put it back so you’ve simply got to say ok how do I make this my own?

H: We’ve got to embrace it, it’s in our kids lives whether we like it or not isn’t it?

A: Do you know I think that when television came that there were probably lots of pundits saying tut tut, you know no more singing around the piano, no more talking and yet it’s become a focus of family activity

H: Life moves on, we’ve got to move with it haven’t we?

A: You’re absolutely right

H: Ok well interesting stuff isn’t it? Well don’t’ go anywhere because coming up next all your questions will be answered here live

Titles

H: Well if you’ve just joined us today I’m talking with Dr Pat Spungin about how you can embrace new technologies to improve your family time and your leisure time with your family. You’ve been sending your questions in so let’s have a little look at some of those. First one is from Katie, she says “at what age should I start introducing my son to technology? He’s only 3 and I really want him to develop his imagination and creative play. I’m concerned that if I start introducing him to computers too soon this will hindered.” That’s an interesting point actually

A: It’s very interesting –

H: Imagination, you know you’ve got to develop that as well

A: Absolutely spot on that question. I think almost everybody who talks about screen-based technologies says it should be limited

H: Right

A: And the younger the child the more it should be limited, so the idea of a 3 year old for example spending long periods of time in front of a television, any kind of a screen, alone, is definitely not a good idea

H: Yes

A: They need for their language development they need interaction, they need to be physical in their play. However there are things that are suitable for small children, and I think a lot of parents will know already their children can push buttons on various simple programs

H: Yes

A: but I think it’s not a substitute for play with a person, with another child and at 3 it should be very limited

H: Right. But maybe introduce a little bit, so maybe go on the CBeebies website or something

A: Oh yes exactly, especially if they’re seen as CBeebies programs then any little games that are associated with that, and remember a lot of these games have an educational input, you know it’s about matching or about colour recognition, or about putting together simple words

H: Yes and at the age of 3 you’re going to have to sit with him anyway really

A: Yes exactly

H: Because he can’t read remember, unless he’s a genius! So you’re going to have to sit anyway with him, and it’s quite nice, it’s a nice thing to do, I know I quite enjoy doing that with my daughter

A: No I think that my general approach is moderation in all things

H: Yes

A: And I think that most parents know that what the attention span is, but I think at the same time that these games are often very, very beguiling because they’re very beautifully crafted and they’re made to be very engaging so a lot – you probably know this – your child will watch a particular program over and over again, even if it’s the same

H: Yes, that’s true

A: But you know yourself that’s enough now, come on let’s go out into the fresh air or let’s do some baking or something else

H: Ok so little – little to start with in all things

A: Moderation

H: Okey doke. Good advice there. Another question in from Kelly, similar question actually – “can you recommend any games sites that would be good for introducing my 3 year old son to technology?”

A: Goodness that’s a difficult one

H: Yes, CBeebies is a good place to start

A: Club Penguin I think for the older children is very popular. I’ve read for example that on the Iphone that you can get apps for spelling, for colour recognition

H: Oh right

A: There’s a Dr Seuss ABC for example

H: Oh lovely

A: There’s something called Harry Potters Spells which sounds like it might be about magic but actually it’s about spelling! But I think that if Kelly is it? Goes to a search engine and puts in you know simple computer games for small children, and then uses her discretion about what she sees and how much her child watches, that she’ll probably get an answer to that

H: Colour Matching would be a good place to

A: Yes Colour Matching or –

H: Putting things in boxes and dragging things and what have you

A: Yes

H: Because it – getting them to use their mouse, it’s all good sort of skills as well isn’t it?

A: Oh yes I think hand / eye coordination, there’s a lot of apps, I mean I mentioned Farmville

H: Yes

A: And there’s Cityville, like Sims City, those are fantastically educational programs in terms of what it takes to build a business, how you have to look after things. I’m not at all dismissive of computer games as having no educational value. Very often they have significant value

H: Just be a bit selective about your choice. Ok good luck with that. Another question in form Stephy, she says “I’m embarrassed by my lack of technical knowledge compared to my kids.” A lot of parents feel like that don’t they? “They are aged 11, 10 and 7. Even the 7 year old is better at gaming than me. Do I need to just admit my lack of knowledge and learn through them?”

A: I think yes and no is the answer to that. I think the 11 year old will be so far ahead that –

H: Mum will never catch up!

A: That they won’t want to take the time to teach you to do things. I think your 7 year old would be quite delighted to actually teach mum to do certain things. What I found in writing the report because I’m beyond that again, was that it’s amazing when you go to the internet and look for information about family games. Also of course about games that people rank, so it’s very useful if somebody else says this is a fabulous game for the family and they write about it

H: Yes

A: And you think oh yes, that sounds like the kind of thing my kids would enjoy

H: Yes so look at the reviews then

A: Yes

H: And see what people have come up with, yes ok, lovely stuff. Things like the Wii, you know, one of my friends had that and I thought how silly, why would anyone do that, and we had a right laugh doing it, and you know you just need to get involved don’t you, if you get involved, you’ll probably really enjoy yourself, because they are made for enjoyment aren’t they, it’s not just –

A: I think it’s also important to think you know when – you’re a parent, I was a parent and we kind of made up games, but we weren’t professional makers-up of games, whereas –

H: No whereas –

A: These people are professional and the quality and the standard –

H: Oh it’s fantastic

A: is such that you can only look on in awe actually

H: Yes exactly. Yes okey doke. Another question in from Antonias . “How much TV should I expose to my children? They are both under 5, also when they ask for a computer console should I give it to them regardless because won’t they just want to play fun games?” rather than the educational ones I suppose. They’re both under 5, how much telly time?

A: I think, I think probably under 5 an hour a day

H: Yes, yes

A: Again I’m not knocking television as such, what I’m just saying is it’s only a small part of the total experiences that a 5 year old should be having

H: Yes

A: And most of those should be hands on

H: Right

A: I think almost every parenting expert, child psychologist will say that screen time for pre-school should be limited, and the younger they are the less it should be

H: Otherwise they just have this expectation everything happens now, now, now. You do have to have the imagination games as well don’t you?

A: This is true, this is true. I mean there’s nothing like boredom for getting you – your imagination going

H: Yes. And what about games console, I mean for a 5 year old is it a bit young?

A: I would have thought it’s a bit young and I think also you’re kind of at 5, you’re kind of setting them up to –

H: That’s it then, you’ve got it forever haven’t you?

A: That’s it yes. So I think there’s very good television for 5 year olds, perhaps to hold off on the games consoles because like everything with your children it comes sooner than you think

H: Yes. Enjoy them while they’re young

A: Exactly

H: Because they’ll be teenagers soon. Ok last question in or statement really from Jess. She says “I’ve banned gadgets and technology from our dining room”

A: Yes

H: As I want to preserve this place for eating only” – well that’s nice to hear

A: Hear hear, I couldn’t agree with you more. I’m a great believer in the importance of family meals, and the idea of sitting there while someone is texting their mate – no, absolutely not

H: Really annoying. Well done Jess.

A: And television, television’s the big thing with meal times

H: Yes it’s nice to sit round and talk, it’s – all sorts of things come out

A: Yes and it’s a little bit paradoxical that you should be having your dinner and getting involved in the lives of people in Coronation Street or Eastenders, and not in your own lives

H: Don’t know what’s going on in your own family, yes

A: And the thing about communication is the more you do it the better you become at it, and that’s true of families as much as anything else

H: Absolutely, wise words there. Well we’ve run out of time I’m afraid today, my thanks for joining us to Dr Pat Spungin, it’s been really interesting

A: Can I just mention the website for anyone who wants tips for managing technology it’s positivemoments.co.uk

H: Ok lovely, you heard it here first. And if you want to find out more about turning tech time into quality time with your family you can go to that website and there’s lots of information on there, a reminder positivemoments.co.uk thanks for watching and we’ll see you next time. Bye bye

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