Presenter: Janice Vee (JV)
Guests: Ann McCracken (AM)

JV: I'm Janice and this afternoon we are talking about stress. Now according to a survey by Nurofen Tension Headache half of us get stressed by Mondays. With me in the studio I have stress –management expert Anne McCracken and she's here to answer all your questions. So Anne, welcome. Feeling very calm today?

AMcC: Absolutely.

JV: So the survey that was done by Nurofen Tension Headache was saying about Mondays being the most stressful day of the week and also that queues at the check out w3as a high stress factor as well. What do these figures show about our day-to-day running and how we manage our stress?

AMcC: Well, it's showing that today's very hectic lifestyle is quite a pressure. That's what stress is; it's excessive pressure over a period of time. It's not just the one-off thing, that's being busy, and that's just life. Stress is something rather different, it's not good and it makes you feel unwell and it makes you uncomfortable.

JV: It causes all sorts of other ailments as well.

AMcC: It does, yes. There are lots of symptoms related to it. The symptoms are very much personal, so some people will get tension headaches for instance, as you've been talking about, other people will get digestive upsets, or they get skin complaints, some people get cold sores, others get back pain, so there's a whole collection of very different symptoms.

JV: So it manifests itself in many ways. Bonnie's just sent in a question, it seems that in many ways, although technology was supposed to make our lives easier, it's made it more stressful and as we get more tech-savvy as a nation with our Blackberries and our wireless laptops do you think we'll get more stressed out because we'll always have that link to the office?

AMcC: That's an excellent question. And it ties in well with the survey. There's an indication that people find when computers crash, that that's really stressful for them, and I can certainly relate to that. When this machine tells you that you've performed this illegal operation and disappears on you, it's not so good! It's a very good question because it's saying this fast pacing life we're leading, but I think what people need to remember is that they have the choice. You can switch it off you know.

JV: It's hard to do that though, to switch your mobile phone off and to switch your computer off at home.

AMcC: Only if you choose not to do so. We really have the choice you know, we allow this into our life and allow it to take more control than it should have and I find myself sometimes in the evening keeping the computer on, and you hear the emails popping in, or the mobile phone rings, the work mobile phone, and you think, "No!" but actually go to answer it.

JV: So your advice to Bonnie is to switch everything off.

AMcC: No, my advice is to choose when you're going to have that ‘you' time, that family time, and don't let it interfere.

JV: Greta has asked a question, do you know any quick and easy relaxation techniques that she can use to de-stress while she's at her desk?

AMcC: Yes. There's one that was provided by the Suzy Lamplugh Trust, they have a workout at your desk, which is very good, it's all about stretching and moving your neck and that sort of thing. Another easy one is to learn to do abdominal breathing. This is where you breathe deeply into your body, rather than into your shoulders. Where you pull the air down into your body, breathe out and keep pushing the air out. If you do that three times, it takes twenty seconds, and it just brings down that adrenalin surge and the stress levels come down.

JV: Someone suggested playing classical music at work.

AMcC: Certainly, if the boss likes classical music and someone that they're working with in the office doesn't, then there's an imbalance. So perhaps listen on your headphones. Some people, like me, work in silence. I don't have noise on because I think better without extra things, and a lot of the clients that I have tell me the same. And this is what stress and stress management is about, it's about finding the right thing for you, and letting other people know what it is too. And also letting them know the things that wind you up, the things that pull your strings.

JV: So take a deep breath.

AMcC: Three! Three is fantastic; twenty seconds' worth of breathing is so beneficial.

JV: And that can work anywhere can't it? Because at this time of year especially, we're all rushing around the shops trying to buy things and standing in queues wanting to buy the newest toy and the latest toy and it's quite a stressful time. It's quite interesting from the Nurofen Tension Headache survey that 56% of us do get stressed out at queues at checkouts.

AMcC: Yes, the Brits and their queues! Well the thing is we do queue, and it's very irritating, people seem to find it very irritating, and it's about turning that around and thinking, well here's five minutes where I can perhaps plan something, think about it, and not worry too much about the fact that the queue is moving slowly. Or re-plan your evening or your day to be aware that you've lost ten or fifteen minutes because someone's taken a long time or not had a bar chart read correctly. That's how you need to manage these things, it's about taking it onboard and taking the control back for yourself, and making changes that tend to make you feel more in control.

JV: So a lot of the time stressful situations do cause us headaches, and that's linked to inflammation of the neck and shoulder muscles. So has does that affect our health in the long run?

AMcC: Well, if you continue to have these headaches it damages the body and the body just doesn't recover as well every time. So people whose indicator system is headaches will find will seem to get more and more and will recognise the triggers that set them off. From a management point of view, it's important to be aware of that. If you can't miss it use techniques like the deep breathing and one or two other strategies that work for you.

JV: Ursula wants to know, she's starting to feel like she's becoming a tragedy of work-hard, play-hard ethic and would really like to prevent the inevitable crash and burn. Do you have any advice on how she can achieve a healthier work/life balance?

AMcC: Al little bit less of both, really. People who work hard tend to work on late or excessively, and that's fine as long as it's only for a short period. If they get into the habit of long working hours as we have in Britain, it becomes very tiring, sot he body becomes less effective, and the mind becomes less effective. The playing hard is the same, it's great to have a night out but to do it and then go to work the following morning, getting up early and being bright and busy is often very hard to do. It's about perhaps doing that for a little bit at the weekend, but it's also about nurturing yourself.

JV: Balancing it out really. No binge going out and no binge working.

AMcC: Do both occasionally, dip into it but don't do it all the time. There seems to be just too much excess.

JV: Do you think that with too many people saying they're stressed out, bosses think it's an easy option or excuse to take time off work? How do you prove that you are stressed?

AMcC: That's a very good question! We're very good at it, as it's the work that we do. We have a technique called stress mapping, and we look at the whole person, which the boss can't do as it's not relevant for his to ask you questions about your personal life, so individuals need to know just how many stressors, as we call them, the things that pull your strings, they need to know how many are going on in their life. Normally people handle two, three, maybe four big ones like moving house, having a baby, getting married, having step-children, whatever it is, they can manage these and then they get one extra, like a financial pressure, and the whole thing collapses. It's about knowing yourself and understanding yourself. And often we use the word stresses when we mean busy, we use the word wrongly. It's definitely over-used, and lots of people are in fact not stressed at all, and that's great because I can say to them you're not stressed, go on out and enjoy yourself and enjoy yourself and stop telling yourself that you're stressed. It's a stressful word!

JV: That's quite an interesting point actually, because we do say that quite a lot. Kerry's send a question, she's a third year medical student and so relieved that she's broken up for Christmas because she's finding it extremely hard to cope with the mounting work load, she's not sleeping very well and she keeps having terrible headaches because she's so worried about her exams. Have you got any advice for her?

AMcC: Well, the first question I'd ask is how much water she's drinking. Two litres a day is a good way to re-hydrate your body. A lot of people forget this. Whether she's a medical student or any kind of person really, our body is 80% water, which I'm sure she knows, and we need to keep topping it up and that will certainly help with a point of view of the headaches. However, we're talking about the Nurofen Tension Headache survey and that can be an excellent material to use or any of the other ibuprofen ones but I understand that this one particularly. So that would be something that she could use, but making sure that she is re-hydrated. And of course eating is important as well. Students sometimes forget that! Eating good, healthy balanced food is also very important to make sure that the body is nurtured as well as the mind.

JV: It's usually a diet of coffee and crisps!

AMcC: It can be, yes! Of course coffee is a big dehydrator, and so are crisps because of the salt. So cut out the coffee, increase the water, enjoy the Christmas break, and get lots of exercise in. After Christmas eat really healthily to get the body back in balance.

JV: Casey tells us he hasn't bought his girlfriend anything for Christmas yet and the only time he can go is this Saturday. What can he do to ensure that he doesn't spend the day wanting to kill someone?

AMcC: Take a deep breath! That's quite interesting because there's an expectation there, that he's going to be stressed, and I would say that if you expect you're going to get it. Perhaps go out, enjoy the moment, enjoy the lights, the buzzy atmosphere, and know you'll find something that's just right for your girlfriend, and you will.

JV: And also maybe have an idea of what he wants to buy her before venturing out.

AMcC: He could ask that all-important question!

JV: Yes, what would she like? Annie wants to know, do you think Christmas day with the family is the most stressful day of the year? She'd got over twenty people coming for lunch! Good luck!

AMcC: Is your table big enough? Why do we suddenly become chefs for day? I've never understood this. The first thing I would say is all this family that are coming, get them to help. Perhaps before the come give them a job. Encourage people to bring a course, to be involved; you don't have to do it all. We think we're failing if we don't do it all. Perhaps Annie could just phone up all these nice relatives and say, "I'd like you and someone else to discuss what you're going to do to help me with the starter."

JV: It is quite stressful if you don't really cook for that many people usually, "Do I have enough cutlery? Do I have enough plates?"

AMcC: How many of us have enough plates for twenty? Well, we don't. So people understand that, so get people involved and they will feel that they're not just watching, that they're part of the whole experience, and it might make it more fun.

JV: It can also be quite stressful because you're bringing together family that maybe haven't seen each other all year, so there may be tension.

AMcC: Let them have their tension! Let them sort it out. I really think just let them have it out. A little bit of lightness will get them a long way and whatever that person is about, sometimes put yourself in their shoes. Perhaps the old Dad's really quite lonely; perhaps the difficult mother-in-law had a difficult mother-in-law and is practising. Whatever really. It's about being tolerant and generous. It's the time of year to encourage that, and if it all gets too much take a deep breath and have a walk outside. Or send them outside!

JV: That's a really good idea, after lunch just all go out for a walk and relax.

AMcC: And come back and you can all do the dishes.

JV: On a more serious note, Sarah wants to know, whenever she gets stressed she always falls ill a day or two after, how can she stop herself from getting so wound up?

AMcC: This is exactly what happens with someone who is really stressed. Stress affects all the parts of your body, it affects your immune system particularly, your nervous system, which is why the headaches are involved here, the endocrine system, which is your hormone system. When these are not working particularly well, your body gives in. We tend to have one body system that is more likely to give in. She will tend to find that it's respiratory or it's digestive or skin or whatever. Recognising that is good it's a start. She's ahead of quite a lot of other people who aren't quite as familiar with this type of thing. What are the key things that are winding her up? It's the stress mapping. What are my triggers? What is it that winds me up? Then what can I do about these triggers? So you can actually be pro-active about not putting yourself in that situation if it's at all possible. Some people do actually need to change job, or even change lifestyle.

JV: It's not easy for people to do because they often think they are stuck in a rut. They need to pay the mortgage and they need to feed the kids.

AMcC: It can be a big decision, but we're seeing more and more people make it to change that lifestyle to stop it happening.

JV: So you think something that dramatic is necessary?

AMcC: It sometimes is. I have a lot of clients who, after much discussion and going through all the options, will realise they need to make changes here. And they do and it works for them.

JV: Leanne's boyfriend gets ridiculously stressed when he's in a traffic jam. She tries to calm him down but it's very difficult. Any ideas?

AMcC: It's a great opportunity to think, to listen to a programme I might have missed. Also use that mobile and tell people that you're going to be late, because that takes the pressure off you. It's about accepting that if you're stuck in a jam there's nothing you can do, which he's not. This guy has a tendency to stress and you've got to take that step back, and think what are the triggers. It might even just be going out. Some people have agoraphobia and just don't like going out. It might be something very simple, but it could be all sorts of things.

JV: Some people actually find it very helpful to scream and shout just to release that stress and get rid of some of that anger. Would you advise that?

AMcC: Absolutely. Wind the windows up first though!

JV: Bash a pillow at home or something.

AMcC: Oh yes, some people have a punch bag in the garage you know, and that's great. It's the old fight or flight thing, it's just getting the aggression out and it feels better. It's the same with the screaming. But it's not nice or appropriate in a public place or with other people because they don't understand what's happening. The car's a great place though.

JV: When you go on stress management courses they do say to release it as often as you can

AMcC: Yes. It's an immediate response. You still need to take that step back and examine what it is that's winding you up and what you can do about it.

JV: Judy says she finds herself feeling stressed almost every day, not always for a serious reason, is this normal and how often can a person be stressed?

AMcC: That depends on how you define stress. There's no question about that. What does she mean by stress? Al lot of people confuse busy and stressed. If she's feeling unwell and she's got some of the symptoms we've talked about, the tension headaches and the general un-wellness and digestive upsets, if she's got these symptoms every day then she needs to talk to her doctor or go to one of our stress management practitioners. Go and talk to someone about it. Yes it's normal, lots of people have it, but you do need to do something about it. Continual stress will make you ill.

JV: According to the Nurofen Tension Headache survey it is everyday things that Judy's talking about that causes us to be stressed. A computer crashing is 32%, photocopier jamming, not finding a parking space…

AMcC: It's the joining up of all these things and it's them happening regularly. A one-off is not stress. It's a continual build-up. People need to be aware that if they are continually putting themselves into that position, they need to think about why they're doing that.

JV: And just walk away from the situation.

AMcC: Yes, if possible. If it's a screaming child you can't do that. But you need to ask yourself why is the child screaming? It's about understanding the situation, and then managing it.

JV: Talking about screaming kids, lots of people get stressed out because kids are screaming and they have to make dinner and the whole thing for them is stressful.

AMcC: That sounds like a personal experience.

JV: It is, I have a teething child at the moment so I'm feeling stressed out, so it's the combination of a lack of sleep, for me definitely.

AMcC: That's a big one. It's when the body gets a chance to regroup basically; so good, nourishing sleep is essential for the body. When you're not getting that with young children, one of the tings if possible is take a nap when they do. It's such an obvious thing really. Much as you would like to do lots of things around the house, if they are having a nap have one at the same time.

JV: The problem is of course, if you don't have enough sleep, you're not eating well, you can take it out on the kids.

AMcC: Exactly, and if you scream at them, they scream back.

JV: Camilla has sent in a question, she says would you ever recommend medicine for symptoms of stress, she often gets a banging headache that just won't go away and she doesn't want to become addicted to painkillers.

AMcC: It's about an appropriate level of medication, always read the label. Certainly we don't recommend anything, its' the doctor that should be recommending that. It's about stepping back and saying, "Why am I getting this so regularly? What can I do to reduce it?" but certainly this particular Nurofen is specific for tension headaches, but it's about learning how to reduce it. I have mentioned water, and that's really important, especially with headaches, to make sure you're really hydrated.

JV: It is very different though isn't it, a tension headache from a normal headache? There's lots of throbbing and it hits you at the back of the neck and it's debilitating sometimes as well.

AMcC: Very.

JV: Would taking something like this help?

AMcC: It certainly would help, but if this is happening regularly they you should talk to a doctor about it, because there are all sorts of other reasons, which you should get checked out. Once you know it's nothing pathological, then you can treat it with over-the-counter stuff.

JV: So drink lots of water, and deep breathing. Ben wants to know, back to the festive season, he's not worried about Christmas but he always gets stressed going back to work. He gets worried that he has a whole year ahead of him. Have you any tips on how to deal with this?

AMcC: I certainly have! This is about perception, if you choose to see a whole year as being depressing, then that's what it will be. How about thinking of that first week and thinking about how nice that will be? A whole year seems to be too much to think about. If you cut it down into manageable bits, weeks or months, it won't seem so bad. Looking at it like that Ben, you're not looking forward to the rest of your life, which is a shame because I think you could probably have a great life.

JV: Especially at this time of year we look back on the year and see what we've done and what we've achieved and that can be quite stressful as well, because maybe we haven't achieved everything we want to in that year.

AMcC: Well, move your goals! I think we beat ourselves up by setting what are sometimes unrealistic goals. Maybe they weren't the right sorts of goals in the first place. I do a lot of coaching with people, and we regularly re-assess goals, because experience shows you it's not the right goal or it needs to be extended or whatever. I don't think we should be beating ourselves up about it, I think we should be moving forward in a positive and regular way. Huge leaps create all sorts of pressures.

JV: So you don't think we should be making New Year's resolutions?

AmcC: Not at all. Don't do them! I just decide when I'm going to set a goal and go for it. I've just set myself a goal to walk Hadrian's Wall in July. My colleague and I are going to beat the stress, and get training get prepared. I've done a walk like that before through the desert and I had to train for nine months. That's my goal, I've made it but if I don't do it I know I've done my best.

JV: One last question, Jon is stressed about his office Christmas party, what to wear, how to do his hair, girls that he may upset during the year, should he not bother going?

AMcC: Obviously how he looks is important to him, so wear whatever feels comfortable and will make a statement about yourself. Upsetting people? Just say sorry and move on.

JV: And stay away from the photocopier!

AMcC: Absolutely!

JV: Well, we've run out of time. Thank you so much for your questions, they've been really good ones. Thank you so much to our stress management expert Anne McCracken for coming in to the studio.